Whoa Give Me Your Heart Love Again
Honey songs are where we get our passion, our soul — and most of our worst ideas.
Nothing good can come of this. Photo by Achim Voss/Flickr.
Throughout man history, oceans have been crossed, mountains have been scaled, and great families accept blossomed — all because of a few simple chords and a melody that inflamed a heart and propelled information technology on a noble, romantic mission.
On the other hand, that time you told that girl you just started seeing that yous would "catch a grenade" for her? You did that because of a love vocal. And it wasn't exactly a coincidence that she suddenly decided to "lose your number" and move back to Milwaukee to "effigy some stuff out."
"It's just, my mom. You know? And L.A. is so hot in the summer. And yeah, my mom." Photo via iStock.
That fourth dimension you held that boom box over your head outside your ex'due south house? You did that because of a love song. And fifty hours of community service later, y'all're still not back together.
Love songs are cracking. They make our hearts vanquish faster. They inspire us to accept risks and put our feelings on the line. And they requite u.s.a. terrible, terrible ideas about how actual, real-life homo relationships should piece of work.
They're amazing. So amazing. And too terrible.
Here are six love songs that sound romantic but aren't, and one song that doesn't sound romantic only totally is:
one. "God Merely Knows," by The Embankment Boys
Y'all can keep your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Become Arounds," and your "Help me Rhondas."
When it comes to The Embankment Boys, "God Only Knows" is where it's at. A lush garden of soft horns and breezy melody. A tie-dye swirl of sound. A mural of haunted innocence with some of the most heartrending lyrics ever committed to the back of a surfboard.
Youth! Youth! Youth! Photo past Hulton Archive/Getty Images.
Here'south why it sounds romantic:
I may non always honey you
But long as there are stars above you lot
You lot never need to doubt it
I'll brand you so sure virtually it
God only knows what I'd be without yous
If you're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your beloved and not playing "God Simply Knows" on your iPod, yous should really terminate and start over.
If you're lazily bumping a beach ball over a volleyball net and "God Simply Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the dorsum of your mind, y'all demand to rethink the choices that got you to this point.
If y'all're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and yous're non underscoring information technology with the opening chords of "God Only Knows," you are doing information technology incorrect.
Hippies, likely on their fashion to a mud frolic. Photograph past Colin Davey/Getty Images.
It's a song that just feels similar love. Pure love. Young love. Love with a chill, kelp-y vibe.
What could be wrong with that?
Here'due south why information technology'southward actually really, really unromantic:
In that location's nothing wrong with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-top notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their hair as they fall asleep while you whisper the complete works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.
"Miles Ryan stood on the back porch of his house, smoking a cigarette..." Photo by hatchettebookgroup.biz.
Only there is such a thing as loving someone a skosh too much.
If you should ever exit me
Though life would nevertheless get on believe me
The world could prove nothing to me
Then what good would living do me?
Expect, I get it. Breakups suck. At that place'south no getting around that. But practiced God.
There's a huge deviation between saying: "Hey babe, you lot are my get-go and foremost everything and I'll exist bummed if you get." And saying: "Welp, you accustomed that job in Seattle, so I'm just gonna chug a bunch of nightshade and telephone call it a life."
But that's pretty much the gist hither. Which makes this line...
God only knows what I'd be without you lot
...horror-moving-picture show creepy. Because the answer, plain, is: "I'd be a corpse!"
Ah well. We had a good run. Photo via iStock.
That's non love. That's codependency (to put it mildly). Oh, and hey! Threatening to kill yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. It'due south a class of emotional abuse.
Investing all your happiness and sense of self-worth in any human relationship — one that, past definition, might i day finish — is putting a lot of eggs in one handbasket. Certain, God may but know what you'd exist without her, but God probably too hopes you have, I don't know, some hobbies. Take a yoga class. Google some woodworking videos. Try kite surfing.
"Aye! Hell yep! What was her name over again?" Photo by Jim Semlor/Federal Highway Assistants.
I person cannot exist anyone's exist-all and terminate-all. It's too stressful. And it prevents you from doing you, which is a thing that's gotta be done before you can practise anything else.
No wonder she took that job in Seattle.
2. "Treasure," by Bruno Mars
Sure, it's a blatant rip off of every Michael Jackson vocal you've always heard. But, nosotros don't have Michael Jackson anymore, and as tribute acts become, you lot could do a lot worse than Bruno Mars.
Await at that confront. That confront! Photo by Brothers Le/Flickr.
Hither's why the vocal sounds romantic:
Treasure, that is what you are
Dear, you're my golden star
You know you tin can make my wish come true
If y'all let me treasure you lot
If you lot permit me treasure y'all
Pass those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an eighth-grade brand-out party and you'll likely go an instant cost pass on the highway to tongue-town (ew).
Pass them to your spouse and, chances are, date night is going to culminate in 47 minutes of chaste-however-passionate frenching.
Pass them to a cop who pulls yous over for running a stop sign, and they will think y'all're weird — but probably withal make out with you lot.
In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime pass to brand out with America considering of this song.
This is what happens when yous write "Treasure" and you're on stage with Michelle Obama. Photo by Mandel Ngan/Getty Images.
And I'1000 OK with that.
Merely, here's why "Treasure" isn't every bit romantic as it seems:
Everything near "Treasure" is retro. Everything.
Including its attitudes well-nigh gender.
"Children, accept I ever told you what I shouted at your mother on the street the first time nosotros met?" Photograph past Jacobsen/Getty Images.
Things showtime to get south right from the very start:
Give me your, give me your, give me your attention, baby
I gotta tell you a little something about yourself
Ah aye. Zip screams "respect" quite like a man lecturing a strange woman on the street about something she "doesn't know about herself."
What could it be? Could it exist that her jokes are funny? Could it exist that she's got something in her teeth? Could it be that her nonfiction book about early modern German history is extremely detailed and informative?
"Cheers for teaching me all about Martin Luther'south bible!" Photo by Torsten Schleese/Wikimedia Commons.
Spoiler Alarm: It'due south none of those.
Y'all're wonderful, flawless, ooh, yous're a sexy lady
But you walk effectually here like you wanna be someone else
Oh. It'south that she's sexy. Cool, bro. Very original.
Give-and-take of communication? Regardless of how she'south walking, the lady knows she'southward sexy. Even if she doesn't, it really doesn't affect her twenty-four hours-to-day so much that y'all, a complete stranger, need to shout it at her (even over a funky disco snare).
So what if she does desire to be someone else? I'd love to exist someone else! I recall being Ryan Gosling would be quite prissy. A practiced way to spend a 3-day weekend.
Certain, there'd be an adjustment period... Photo by Eamonn M. McCormack/Getty Images.
And then later on, of course, the narrator can't help himself:
Pretty girl, pretty girl, pretty girl, yous should be grin
A girl like you should never expect so blue.
He respects her so much, he's actually direct-upward telling her to smile! Much like Mars' grapheme "Uptown Funk," who appears to get off on angrily exhorting girls to "hitting [their] hallelujah." Which, yous know, I guess everybody's got a thing.
Yes, in the earth of "Treasure," a healthy relationship is an unending stream of a human complimenting a strange woman and said adult female being so totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sex."
He then proceeds to talk to his potential lover similar the world's creepiest pirate:
You are my treasure, you are my treasure
You are my treasure, yeah, you lot, you lot, you, you are
Y'all are my treasure, you are my treasure
You are my treasure, yeah, y'all, you, you, you lot are
By this bespeak, in his heed, she's a literal thing. An object. Which is fitting.
I suppose it could be worse, though. At to the lowest degree she'south not just whatever matter.
GIF from "The Two Towers."
That's ... something, right?
3. "Don't Think Twice, It's All Correct," by Bob Dylan
For as long as humans have been dating each other, humans have been breaking up with each other. And "Don't Think Twice" is a portrait of a human relationship going down in flames. Glorious, poetic, acoustic flames.
Bob Dylan, a guy who is good at writing songs that a lot of people similar. Photo by William Lovelace/Getty Images.
Here's why information technology sounds romantic:
Well, information technology ain't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
Fifty-fifty y'all don't know past now
And it ain't no use to sit down and wonder why, babe
It'll never exercise somehow
When your rooster crows at the break of dawn
Wait out your window, and I'll be gone
You're the reason I'm a-traveling on
Merely don't think twice, it's all correct.
Boom. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits situation similar whoa.
"Don't Think Twice" is a raw song. An honest song. A powerful song. It's the vocal your older sister played on continuous loop for six months after her swain left for higher. The song that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to leave her banking concern-teller chore, load her four Australian shepherds into the van, and open a air current chime shop in Mendocino. The vocal your friend's cool dad always wants to play when he invited your high school band over to his apartment to jam.
"What timbre are you looking for?" Photograph by Sharon Ang/Pixabay.
Sure, information technology's about the end of a relationship, but it sounds romantic. And at the cease of the twenty-four hours, shouldn't that be enough?
Here's why it'southward really sooooo messed up:
Relationships end. For a lot of reasons. And while there is no right style to call information technology quits with someone, when the dust settles, both parties tin certainly do good from a hard, honest discussion about what went incorrect.
It'south not me, Joan. It'south you. 100% you. Photo by Rowland Scherman/Getty Images.
In "Don't Think Twice," that discussion basically boils down to: "It's your fault."
Let'due south review the reasons the dude in "Don't Remember Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:
I gave her my eye, but she wanted my soul
Ugh, women, correct? You're all like, "Baby, I just have so much unspecified dear to give," and she's like, "Accept out the trash!" And yous're similar, "Simply baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my heart be enough?" And she's like, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole firm, fed the domestic dog, did the dishes, and made both of our lunches for the week. All I need you to do is take out the trash." And you lot're similar, "You lot're bumming me out. I'1000 gonna become play guitar." And then she gets all mad! What did you exercise? Why is she trying to change you? UGH!
You lot could have washed better, but I don't heed
Yes. You practise mind! Y'all listen! You wrote a song about it, you passive-aggressive prick.
You lot just kinda wasted my precious time
Ah yes. Your fourth dimension is so precious! Retrieve most all the hours you lot wasted plumbing the bounding main-deep, ecstatic mysteries of homo partnership when you could take been futzing around with that home-brew kit.
Yeah, this was worth it. Photo past Nib Bradford/Flickr.
The minute y'all start breaking it down, the message of "Don't Think Twice" all of a sudden starts to seem a lot less romantic. Similar your sis's ex-beau, who worked at the Bass Pro Shop in town for a while and now might be in jail. Similar your aunt'southward current of air chime store, which would have closed forever ago had she not received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Like your friend's cool dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying kid support.
"You kids desire a beer? No one's nether 13, correct?" Photo via iStock.
Oh yeah, and the vocal'southward narrator likewise point-bare refers woman he's leaving equally:
A child, I'one thousand told
That's right. In addition to being a run-of-the-mill passive-ambitious wiggle — turns out, he's also mayhap a pedophile.
Even if we are to take that this is a metaphor and she's not really a child — which there's no indication it is, but OK, Bob Dylan — the fact that Commitmentphobe Gunderson here would willingly choose an young partner reflects way more poorly on him than it does on her.
Breaking upward with anyone in such a brutal, dismissive way is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.
Which, I suppose, may exist the signal.
4. "Leaving on a Jet Plane," by John Denver
Who has two thumbs and wrote a bloodshot folk vocal nearly hurtling through the stratosphere in a giant aluminum tube at 600 miles per hour?
This guy. Photo by Hughes Telly Network/Wikimedia Commons.
Here's why it sounds romantic:
"Leaving on a Jet Airplane" is a lovely song. And impressive in its loveliness because jet planes were nonetheless kind of new at the time it was written.
'Cause I'm leavin' on a jet plane
To a modern ear, this would be sort of similar singing, "I'm a scoooting away on my hoverboooooard," simply in a way that's somehow still folksy and heartbreaking and singable by 9-year-olds at summer camp. Not easy to exercise!
Oh infant, I hate to go
You see — he hates to become! He just hates information technology! We know this, because he tells us he hates it. And why would he hate to become if he didn't love his partner simply that much?
See ya! Photo by Altair78/Wikimedia Commons.
Why indeed?
Hither'south why it'due south actually not that romantic at all:
All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the world can just distract and then much from the fact that the song's main character is well, kind of a jerkweed.
And in reality — surprise surprise! — it doesn't actually seem similar he hates being away all that much:
In that location'south and so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell y'all now, they don't hateful a matter
"Babe, I promise! All the movies I watched alone while you were home nursing the quadruplets. All the times I drained our life savings on Zoo Zillionaire. All the random sexual practice I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to practise! Really fun. Like, I had a fantastic time. But rest assured — completely empty, in an ontological sense."
"As empty equally this bed I just finished having sexual practice with someone else in." Photograph via iStock.
Aye, when y'all break it down, "Leaving on a Jet Plane," is less of a passionate tribute to love overcoming distance and more the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he's "proficient" despite all evidence to the reverse.
And for all he claims to exist broken up well-nigh having to part from his one and only, the dude seems pretty excited about the flight. Oh, y'all're leaving on a jet plane, are you lot? Are you lot Zone 1? Gonna humblebrag on Twitter nearly the "terrible" Cibo express salad you were forced to choke down every bit you sat waiting to embark on your fun, mysterious hazard?
"Life so hard @ LGA #missingmybabe." Photo by Gesalbte/Wikimedia Eatables.
He continues:
Ev'ry place I go, I'll recollect of you
Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for y'all
Ah cool. He'll think about her while strumming and making "my dear is fragile as the morning time dew" eyes at a waif-y grad pupil in the forepart row. That pretty much makes up for it all.
Then he demands:
And then kiss me and smile for me
Tell me that yous'll expect for me
After all the betrayal and heartbreak, after basically revealing himself to exist a form-A sleaze who can't exist trusted, he still has the gall to tell her to wait? To wait for him?
And here's the kicker:
When I come back, I'll bring your hymeneals ring
Ah yes. He'll put a band on information technology. Finally.
"Ehhhhhhh...." Photo via iStock.
Different all the previous trips, where he's cheated a billion times, drained the family bank business relationship, and simply been a general screwup and disappointment.
But yeah. This fourth dimension he says he'll bring back a wedding ring.
I hope she joins a polyamorous octad and never looks back.
v. "When a Human being Loves a Adult female," Percy Sledge
When you look upwards "soul" in the lexicon, the volume plays you a recording of this song.
Percy Sledge, having a few thoughts. Photo past Gene Pugh/Flickr.
Specifically, it plays you the very commencement line.
Here's why it sound very romantic:
When a man loves a woman
Sure, you tin can write the lyrics downwards, merely it doesn't even come shut to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The delicious, delicious pain-belting:
WHEN A MAN LOVES A Woman
Closer ... simply still no.
WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!
Yep! Sing it, Percy Sledge!
Information technology's an elemental lyric.
Information technology'south a heart-shattering lyric.
Information technology'southward a lyric that demands you put your back into it.
It'south perfection.
As long equally you lot don't continue listening.
Here's why the song is actually pretty horrifying:
From the opening lines of "When a Man Loves a Woman," we know that, at least on occasion, a man loves a woman.
Which raises the question: What happens when said man loves said woman?
He'd give up all his comforts
And slumber out in the rain
If she said that's the way
Information technology ought to exist.
Whoa! OK. No. Support. A man, no matter how devoted, no matter how selfless, no matter how in beloved, needs shelter. Otherwise, a man will die of exposure and hypothermia.
Turn his dorsum on his best friend if he put her down.
No! Jeez. No. A man can't put up with that kind of isolating behavior. A human being needs friends! In one case a human's whole support system erodes out from under him, a man volition exist bitter, ungrounded, and solitary. And a man's mental health will deteriorate.
I gave you everything I take
Tryin' to hold on to your heartless beloved
Babe, please don't care for me bad.
This is not what happens "when a man loves a woman." It's what happens when a man loves a controlling, manipulative woman. An abusive woman. A woman who, in truth, merely loves a woman. Herself.
"It's Chris or me." Photo by geralt/Pixabay.
And that's not healthy.
Run, Percy Sledge, run! Nosotros're here for yous.
(Side annotation: Lest it become unsaid, there is way more than one way for a homo to dearest a woman. Maybe they spend every waking moment cuddling and bopping each other on the nose. Maybe they sleep in split bedrooms. Peradventure they dress up in large, costly true cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a man loves a man, I imagine it feels much the same. Or when a adult female loves a woman. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)
Regardless of the depth of commitment, living situation, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, there's no one-size-fits-all love solution. Every relationship is a unique snowflake. Diversity is the spice of life. Necessity is the mother of invention. In that location's more than ane style to pare a cat. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine become down.
It doesn't matter if it'due south the correct metaphor, every bit long equally it's a metaphor. Photo by Rosmarie Voegtli/Flickr.
Point being: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And please, seek help! Yous can practise this! And if you ever notice yourself in a like situation, please give these people a phone call.
6. "All I Wanna Do is Brand Love to You," Heart
Honestly, Heart could sing a list of the most pop AllRecipes ("Jaaaamie's Cranberry Spinach Saaaaalad/World's Best Lasaaaaagna/Sour Creeeeeam Cutouts") and it would make me want to bawl my eyes out in the arms of a tall, dark stranger at the end of a pier.
This song is perfect. Yous should e'er be listening to it. If y'all're not listening to it at present, smack yourself in the face and Google it. It'southward but that important.
I am singing the phone book. You are weeping similar a tiny infant. Photo by FatCat125/Wikimedia Commons.
So much passion. So much hurting. So much hair.
Here'south why information technology sounds romantic:
Over pounding drums and a soaring tune, Heart sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson evangelize a primal tribute to the one true romantic fantasy shared past every living being on Earth: picking up an unnervingly attractive man for ane nighttime of mind-blowing sex and then releasing him back into the wild to bone — but never quite every bit compellingly e'er again.
They sing:
It was a rainy night when he came into sight
Continuing by the route, no umbrella, no glaze
So I pulled up alongside and I offered him a ride
He accepted with a grinning and then nosotros drove for a while
I don't have to keep because you know what happens side by side, and it's awesome.
"I only sit in this motel. Counting the days since. Counting ... the ... days." Photo by Rene Asmussen/Pexels.
Now, hither'due south why this vocal is not romantic at all:
The relationship in "All I Wanna Do" seems besides good to exist truthful. And information technology is. Because it'south not an equally loving ,or even every bit lusty, pairing at all.
It'due south a...
Information technology'south a...
Well. You know what information technology is:
Good at recognizing no-win situations and delicious with lemon?! Photo past Pikawil/Flickr.
For a while, things are humming along just fine, similar any wholesome, illicit, anonymous matter should:
I didn't ask him his name, this lone boy in the rain
Fate, tell me it's correct, is this love at offset sight?
Certain, many of us might hesitate to pick up a strange leather-jacket-clad human standing on the side of the road for a no-strings-attached spiral, simply our narrator just has a feeling about this guy, and sometimes, yous gotta become with your gut.
I tin respect that.
Nosotros made magic that night
He did everything right
Great! Seems like it was a good determination. Bonking the hitchhiker is payin' off big time.
Simply and so, without alarm, the song starts to audio less like an all-time keen romance and more like a story men'due south rights activists tell each other equally they vape around a campfire:
I told him "I am the flower, y'all are the seed
We walked in the garden, we planted a tree
Don't try to find me, please don't you cartel
But live in my retentiveness, yous'll always be in that location"
I'grand not a poet. Symbolic language oftentimes eludes me. Simply unless "blossom," "seed," "garden," and "tree," suddenly hateful wildly different things in the context of human being reproduction than they accept since sexual practice was first invented in the early on-1970s, nosotros're talking about a surprise, non-mutually-consensual pregnancy!
How-do-you-do! Photo past Avsar Aras/Wikimedia Commons.
Of course, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. You might be tempted to think, "Maybe Heart meant something else by that."
To that I say, no, they definitely meant it:
Then it happened one day
Nosotros came circular the aforementioned style
You can imagine his surprise
When he saw his own eyes
There are two possibilities here.
One: The narrator of the vocal is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York City subway advert from nine years ago:
Photo by eyedonation.org.
Or 2: She totally bamboozled a dude into whipping up a infant on the sly.
I said, "Please, please sympathize
Ah, certain. Yep. No worries.
I'thousand in dear with another human being
Cool, and then this all makes sense and is in no fashion the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has now wrecked non one just two lives.
And what he couldn't give me, oh, no
Was the one footling thing that you lot can"
A Homo LIFE! A REAL SENTIENT Man LIFE THAT IS Not INCIDENTAL TO ALL OF THIS!
The best you tin say near that is that information technology's not technically illegal, and that leather-jacket man probably should take been responsible for his ain birth control. Or, at the very least, asked more questions .
But ... information technology'south not cute. Information technology'due south not romantic (even the Wilson sisters themselves agree).
And at the cease of the day, the shadiest character in this song is somehow non the rain-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the night.
Which... is saying something.
Simply there is a honey song that is truly, madly, securely perfect. An unassailable track in a sea of problematic faves.
A song that does everything right.
A song that paints a portrait of a healthy partnership built to last.
A song that can double equally a manual for the ideal homo romantic human relationship.
And that song is...
"Candy Shop," past 50 Cent, featuring Olivia
Here'south why y'all might be — OK, nearly definitely are — skeptical:
50 Cent (L) and that guy. You know, that guy? That guy! Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images.
Every bit catchy as "Candy Shop" is, as fun it is to dance to, and as cathartic as information technology tin can be to scream in the eye of a crowded fraternity house at 2 a.one thousand., there'south no getting effectually the fact that the vocal begins like this:
I'll take you to the candy store
I'll let yous lick the lollipop
I'll post that over again, in case y'all missed some of the dash:
I'll take you to the processed shop
I'll let you lick the lollipop
Mode to take one for the squad, narrator of "Candy Shop"!
At start glance, "Candy Shop" is nobody'south thought of a archetype love song.
The lyrics are ... unusually forward. The beat is kinda bones. The hook is like the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily by in "Homeland."
OooooOOOOoooooOOOo. GIF from "Homeland."
It doesn't get played much anymore. When it does resurface, information technology feels ... kinda dated. Like watching that DVD of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Burn down" on your new Xbox 360.
It'south non a song you'd put on a mixtape for your crush. It's not a song you'd play for your spouse when the kids are at dwelling with the babysitter and you've got nine hours to tear upward the Piscataway Hampton Inn. It's certainly not a song yous'd include on the video photo montage you lot fabricated for your grandparents' silvery anniversary.
It's just non.
But it should be.
So hither it is. Here's why "Candy Shop" past 50 Cent, featuring Olivia, is actually the perfect relationship song:
You wanna back that thing upwardly or should I button upwards on it? Photograph past ionasnicolae/Pixabay.
The bass drum hits. The MIDI violins whine. The vocalizer starts filling out his fellatio permission skid. It'south only been twenty seconds, and you're already getting ready to hang it up with "Candy Shop."
But then ... over the square thrum and the mewling strings, a phenomenon occurs — in the course of a female vocalization joining the track, cutting through the din similar a blaring phone call.
She sings:
I'll take you to the candy store (yeah)
Boy, i taste of what I got (uh-huh)
I'll take you spendin' all you got (come on)
Proceed going 'til you hit the spot, whoa
It's mutual! It's mutual! They're performing oral sexual activity on each other!
Ring the bells! Blindside the drums! Release the doves!
Go, cunnilingus doves, get! Photo by liz westward/Flickr.
50 Cent himself may not be the earth'due south greatest partner — for example, co-ordinate to one of his exes, he's done some pretty unforgivable things.
But the narrator of "Processed Store"? He gets it:
Y'all could have it your style, how do y'all want it?
Rather than only imposing his desires on the person he's with — a la the dude in "God But Knows ("I'm going to invest my entire sense of self-worth in you!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'm going to care for you like a chest full of golden doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Exercise is Brand Love to You lot," ("I'm going to trick you into knocking me upward!") — the "Candy Shop" guy actually asks his partner what she wants.
Which, in the earth of popular music, is good for about l,000 trillion points.
And where are they going to do it? The hotel? Dorsum of the rental? The embankment? The park?
Information technology's whatever y'all're into
'Cause consent is sexy!
I ain't finished teaching y'all 'tour how sprung I got ya
The narrator of "Candy Shop" is certainly ... assertive about his desires.
But hither's the key thing: the lady on the receiving stop of those desires? She's clearly into it. And we know this because she says and so.
The lines of consent in "Candy Shop" are brilliant red, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly pasty gild flooring.
Meanwhile, Robin Thicke is outside trying to convince the bouncer that his uncle is a lawyer. Photo by Grim23/Wikimedia Commons.
Girl what we do ...
And where we do ...
The things we do ...
Are only betwixt me and you
No matter how nasty they freak, it will be intimate. It volition be private. There will exist no revenge porn (the epilogue to "Blurred Lines," to wit, would definitely be a protracted, emotionally devastating lawsuit).
If yous exist a nympho, I'll be a nympho
Sexual compatibility is key to the survival of whatever relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very peradventure in the case of "Candy Shop") minutes long.
She may have a high sex drive, only dude is graciously offering to adjust her. What a gentleman! These crazy kids just might get the distance later on all.
And at the finish of the 24-hour interval, what is a human relationship but two nymphos, sharing health insurance?
Thanks, Obamacare! Photo by Wonderlane/Flickr.
It'south similar information technology's a race who could get undressed quicker
Once again, everybody is having a neat fourth dimension. And, critically, an equally groovy time.
I touch the right spot at the right time
Of course, it wouldn't be a pop/hip-hop striking without a spot of random braggadocio, but if nosotros're to take him at his word, "Candy Shop" guy is at to the lowest degree as skillful at "doing everything correct" as the bearding hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Do is Brand Beloved to You" — except without all the creepy surprise infant nonsense.
The "Candy Shop" guy is a keeper. Because he's not a hero or a stranger in the night or a funky, shimmering dearest god. He's a practiced partner.
"Candy Shop" is raunchy. It's dirty. It'due south not your grandmother's dear song.
But when yous strip away the swagger, the back beat, and the weird strings from "Best of Public Domain Centre Eastern Music 1993," by the end of the song, both people are satisfied. And at the end of the day, isn't that what a healthy human relationship is all near?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Photograph by Francois Durand/Getty Images.
And so seductive.
Source: https://www.upworthy.com/6-songs-that-seem-romantic-but-arent-and-one-that-seems-like-it-isnt-but-is
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